I had the worst nights sleep in the world last night. Hyperbole allowed for, it was fairly well sleepless. Firstly, we have this painful society and culture major work aka PIP due in on monday, so of course I've had to actually you know, start it. I kid, I'd done all the research I've just spent the last week writing it all up. So I didn't actually make it to bed till after midnight because I was doing that. My dog sleeps inside because she's all 'im scared of the cold/outside' and we couldn't be bothered trying to put her outside like that. Anyway, she has to sleep in the non bedroom part of the house, and she knows that. But ofcourse, I never remember to shut the door into the hallway when I'm last to go to bed. Even more so when I'm tired from doing to much of my
1. Wait until the precise moment that Olivia falls asleep. I have no idea how I do this but no matter whether she falls straight asleep or lays awake for hours I know when she is asleep. I have never attempted to sneak into her while she was awake. Although it would probably humorous if I did sneak in, under the assumption she was asleep and she was like hiding behind the door or something
2. Subtly walk into her room, whilst making a loud scraping noise whilst squishing through the slightly ajar door. Rustle around room in a search for ideal sleeping location. Try to step on any plastic bags or similar materials that will make a fucking lot of noise. continue this until Olivia sits up.
3. When you see that Olivia is awake, be very very very still. It is of utmost importance that you don't move. For some reason I think that by doing this, Olivia will be tricked into believing that the noises are not in fact me, they are some other phenomenen. And also I will blend into her bedroom. Or perhaps she will think I am dead. I do not know. I am also under the impression that if Olivia is foiled by my clever disguise, she is awake enough to be bothered hauling arse out of bed and making me go back into the lounge room.
4. Olivia is clearly foiled by my clever disguise as she doesn't kick me out of the room. She does however say Magdafucker jayde you fucker! I don't fucking care if your in my room as long as you sit the fuck down and let me sleep. FUCK. My guess is that Magdafucker jayde you fucker is some specimen which also tries to sleep in her room, but is obviously invisible and that she allows to sleep in there. It's funny that this specimens name 'Magdafucker Jayde you fucker' is so similar to my own, "Magdalen Jayde"
5. Now is the time to go to sleep in my carefully selected position and be quite for about an hour.
6. After this, I will execute part 2 of the plan, to ultimately sleep on Olivia's bed. Ignoring the fact that Olivia has already been woken up once I take a brave leap onto her bed. This action is typically met with a similar address as above, however Olivia is still too tired to push me off her bed, luckily. Because by the sounds of it I sure am an ungrateful fucker that deserves to sleep outside.
7. For the rest of the night it is essential to take all measures possible to locate the exact most comfortable spot in Olivia's room. This will involve much moving and turning and even at times trying to shove Olivia out of her place, just in case that is the most comfortable place.
Somewhere amongst the acting out of part 7, I woke up in a panic because it occured to me that the USB that I had saved my PIP on was probably destroyed somehow. And I would receive no marks and fail the hsc and end up driving a garbage truck. HAHA LIKE I COULD DRIVE A TRUCK I CANT EVEN DRIVE A CAR. As this scenario was so definately likely, I had to get up and turn the computer back on and copy all my files onto it, just in case. Because I'm sure it couldnt have waited till the morning. I think by the time morning came I was more tired then I was when I went to bed.
xLiv
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