Whatever.

I've felt like writing a lot in the past few days, but now that I'm actually sitting down here to do it, I'm not sure what to say. It's not so much a lack of things to say, more that there is too much to say.

Twenty Twelve so far, has been a hectic year. Nana is sick and not getting better, Dad and Stepmother are breaking up in an INSANE EXTREME way, Dad is facing charges for a crime he didn't commit, I was broken up with on my 21st birthday. Out of my little world, my dad's sister and her family are facing a whole host of serious issues that have affected my cousins in awful, awful ways. I need to write about all these things, but it's an effort to know where to start, what to put first. I'll probably just end up talking about how Maggie wouldn't let me fucking sleep last night because she's a fucktard or something.

Most days I'm not unhappy though. I just need to get out of the house and away from my own thoughts. Work has been my salvation, in a weird sense. I'm home from uni for the holidays, working at the same restaurant/bar/winery/function centre that I do most holidays. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have that to turn my head off from everything else.

I guess I'd write in here, because that's what I do if I can't stop thinking about something. I've got little half notes of things I've been writing everywhere when I'm thinking about this that or the other. Lists and all kinds of bullshit that I don't really know why I write. This is a bit more structured, which is nice, there's a necessity to make the words actually functional and rereadable.

Now I'm back to the same point of not knowing what to say, or what to start with, so I'm just going to bitch about irrelevent things that are bothering me. Mainly, that I can't get into the staff page for my job in my unitown. I've evidently forgotten my password but I can't for the life of me think what the fuck I would have made it or why I feel the need to make different passwords for different things as if I have a functional memory or something.

The other possibility is that the stupid bitch whore that I hate boss deleted my account. Which is entirely likely being that her behaviour is completely unpredictable. I decided to come home for the holidays to work assuming that would mean losing my uni job and concluding that it was still the best option. When I first applied for the job way back around Easter I told boss-face in my interview that I was planning on going to Europe (OHMYGOD I WENT TO EUROPE AND DIDN'T EVEN BLOG ABOUT IT! WTF IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!) in the July break as it seemed like the reasonable thing to do. I got the job anyway, and later when I told her the dates I'd be away she snarked at me something chronic. By this stage lots of little things had convinced me I didn't like her very much anyway so I just shrugged it off because fuck you bitch, I'm going to Europe. Post Europe shifts were ridiculously irregular and by October I was barely getting any shifts. My boss at home wanted me back for the holidays, and when Mum rung to tell me he'd been bugging her to get me to come back I hadn't had any shifts for two weeks. So knowing I'd get massive shifts (8-15 hour shifts rather than 2-6) and a lot more regularly I figured stuff it. As it was, boss-face text me before I'd gotten around to texting her to say this asking me when I was leaving for Europe (again? Seriously, I wish) and telling me that she'd heard off someone that I was planning on going. So I'm guessing that explains the lack of shifts, or something. I don't even know. Or care. But I wanted to get onto the staff site because I'm nosy and wanted to see who was still working and what the latest was. But my damn password doesn't work and I don't want to press the 'lost my password' thing, because it will probably notify her and I don't want her to think I'm coming back anytime soon because I intend on working here until mid Febuary. So I'm going to have to wait till then, and now I'm really irritated. FIRSTWORLDPROBLEMS.

Well that was a really odd entry, I feel it lacked any enduring sense of tone. Night.