Pa.

"Well there was never any water out at the creek when I was a young fella, so we just didn't learn. And no basterd'd ever bloody seem to want to teach you. A half-caste tried to teach me once down at that river when I was about your age, but it was bloody hopeless" - Pa, on not being able to swim.

My grandfather is probably the most cliche Australian I know. He's one of those people that manages to be absolutely hilarious without trying or intending to at all.

I'm always on my phone, especially lately, partly because I joined the legions of pompous iPhone owners and partly because I am and have always been a person that desires continuous social interaction, especially when life isn't the best. Pa's latest method of chiding me about it is questioning whether whatever else I'm doing/saying is on the phone. Eg, I'm making us lunch and read a text message: "does that thing make the sandwhich for you does it?" or we're discussing who we think will win the tennis "that thing knows does it?". It's certainly a progression of sophistication from "I do NOT know why you ALWAYS have to be on that bloody thing". He asked me what time my sister was working today and I opened my phone to look at the picture I took of our roster. "I suppose that thing knows does it?" "Yeah actually, cos I've got a photo of the roster on here, see, she starts at one". Cracked me up. He hasn't used it again since but it won't be long.