Mental Scarring

any conversation that ends with my stepfather saying "no I do not feel any need to suck your mothers toes" can't be a good one. You know?

Wild Turkey

Apparently I got a little trashed on the weekend.



See, usually, I drink Johnny Walker. And I can hold my scotch pretty good. I may get a little tipsy, but respectably so. But when I went to buy my alcohol for Patricks camping-eighteenth-birthday-shenanigan they only had JW in cans. CANS I tell you. So, I'm anal about things like that. I like my JW in bottles. I dont know why. I pay double the price to drink coke out of a glass bottle rather then a plastic one. Whatever.

So I was all erghhhh cans...I'll just get a big bottle and coke and mix myself. But Mum was all ooh no bla bla bla bla illogical reason and etc etc. And I was like teh SIGH. Well I will get Wild Turkey then. FINE JESUS CHRIST. And she was all since when do you drink that? and I was all since I lived with Dad that one time remember? Etc.

And well the thing is, yes I did drink it then. But I was also going through this cruiser stage. So when I actually thought about the amount of Turkey I drank I think the most I had in one night was probably about 3. Not a million or however many I had plus some Yager. Yeah I dont even have the slightest of an idea how to spell Yager. But I'll tell you what, I know how it tastes, freaking gross!

I digress.

Things that I do remember happening:

-Knowing that I was completely sober. Informing everyone of this repeatedly.
-My mouth tasting like I just threw up
-Asking if I threw up
-Getting out of the tent with the intent to throw up
-Ian taking me to the toilets

Things I don't remember happening but have been informed did:

-Fred picking me up and carrying me to bed
-Running back out of the tent and proclaiming that no one could make me do anything
-Running along the road looking for Joe
-Shouting at Joe that he was controlling
-Shouting at Joe for punching freds arm because "He's our friend!"

Things that I have learnt:

-Wild Turkey gets me pissed alot quicker than well, anything
-The ground is never quite the distance you think it is
-Joe and I should not get drunk at the same time
-Water is a beautiful beautiful thing
-No one believes you when you say your not drunk

A small snapshot from the evening, which is in retrospect, quite funny:

After being put to bed the second time, it would seem, and shortly after Ian took me to the toilets.

Well apparently it was a bit more then shortly after that.

Olivia: *is confused as to how she got into the tent and why she isnt still at the toilets*
Olivia: *is even more confused as to where Ian went* IAN? ...Ian?
Joe: What?
Olivia: Where did Ian go? I need Ian.

So, it would seem, that I am a defiant angry confused drunk. Joe however is a crying drunk.

Joe: *starts crying*
Olivia: what? WHAT? ahhhhh
Joe: do you...have feelings for Ian!?!
Olivia: oh god I need to throw up
Joe: Olivia? Olivia?
Olivia: *is outside tent throwing up*
Joe: *is sitting in tent crying*

so, not the best of ideas.

The End. x

it aint so bad

Glossary Point. Websters dictionary defines Darren as that short awesome man that used to be our store manager. And who is a barrel of laughter and fun. and generally the awesome. After leaving Singleton without so much as a warning to some other store, he has returned, much to the delight of those of us who are sad enough to still work at mcdonald's and remember the good old days of Darren. Cleaning the stock cage instead of making burgers in mad rushes and what not.



So you know how yesterday I was all "yays jesus loves me so I don't have to work" well, turns out I did. work that is, not have to.



Charlie rung me at like 7 in the morning. Actually she first rung me earlier then that, but I spent the entire length of my phone ringing waking up and then contemplating whether I wanted to work or not and missed the call. (By morning I guess I'd realised that I probably would do nothing with my day anyway). So I went back to sleep, but then she rung again and I though 'hey if its not a long shift I'll go in for a few hours'.


Me: I dont even know how to spell my attempt at hello

Charlie: Hey Liv, uhh sorry for waking you, can you come into work like only for a bit?

Me: -

Charlie: Like just three hours even we're really short staffed

Me: -

Charlie: Joe's here and I'm here and Darren's coming, Darren!

Me: *fake sigh* only for you Charles, only for you

Charlie: Oh my god I love you!

Me: when do you want me to work?

Charlie: whenever you can get here

Me: till?

Charlie: whenever you want to go home



That is totally the awesomest shift ever because when anyone was like 'what time do you finish' I was all 'whenever I want' and they were all hellz yeah!?! Jealous!



On the let down side of things, Darren, sadly, did not come in. About half an hour into my shift:



Me: *super enthusiastic* So when's Darren getting here?

Adam: Darren doesn't work today

Me: he...what..but...she said...when she called me..

Adam: hahaha nice one

Me: CHARLIEEEEEEEEE



She swears she genuinely thought he was coming in though.



Sometimes, I think about how I should get a real job. You know, rather then work at a fast food outlet. I think its trendy to work at clothes shops or juice bars or something as a after-school job. But truly, I think I'd be bored out of my mind. So thus I dedicate the rest of this blog to a snapshot of why working in the kitchen at macca's isn't so bad.



Ok so you know the butter on the muffins. Yeah, its liquidised, gross much? Gross alot. So it comes in spray bottles. What was that you said? That reminds you of a gun? ME TOO! crazy hey. So Tom and I have a history of butter-gun-wars (IF YOU SO MUCH AS LOOK AT EACH OTHER ONCE MORE FOR THE REST OF THE SHIFT I WILL KILL YOU BOTH-bianca)



Tom: oh yeah, why because your a WHORE? yeah bitch!

Me: oh no you didn't! *grabs butter*

Tom: oh no YOU didn't *grabs butter and squirts*

Me: Bitch Please!

Huge butter fight with dodging and chasing spraying: *commences*



It ended in Tom running past the wash room, me chasing him. Which caught Adam's attention who was doing wash up and proceeded to chase both of us to tell us to get the hell back to work. He burst through the back to door to find us using the huge bins as forts (oh come on, it doesnt get less fun when you get older) and shoo'd us back into the kitchen barking 'WORK'. It was the first time I'd seen the two new kids show any hint of expression.



As the day wore on Cameron accidently put an extra bun through the toaster that we didn't need, here starts the amazing physical journey of the bun, such a curious traveller it was:



Me: OMG CAMERON I CANT BELIEVE YOU DID THAT YOUR FIRED

Cameron: OMG I KNOW WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO NOW?

Me: put it through again!

Cameron: it would be rude not to!

A day in the life of a bun. well this bun. not any bun.

10.40am: get taken out of bun crate and go through the bun toaster. At last, the taste of freedom.

10.41am: and again

10.42am: ok so, fifteen times. This is good, facade must continue, means less chance of getting eaten.

10.51am: get introduced to Tom

10.52am: get thrown in the waste bin by Tom. Is this it? The end?

10.53am: get rescued by Liv. The journey continues.

10.54am: get a hole installed by Tom. and then thrown on the floor. Not much fond of Tom.

10.56am: get rescued by Cameron. Another chance prevails. Go through the toaster five more times.

11.02am: get put on the meat grill.

11.03am: hear various remarks along the lines of 'if Mel walks in here right as that platen comes up you are getting the blame'

11:06am: survive ordeal ok without being spotted

11.13am: hide out in deli for awhile because there is a rush and the managers are helping. stupid customers. They're disrupting the plan.

11.15am: close call. warn sources to be more careful. almost captured. Heard from behind the tortilla's- Roger: what did you do to it? Liv: so first there was the toaster fifteen times and then-. Vision hazy from position but suspect approaching blonde figure to be Charlie. Liv: um yeah, so I'll just do that then *walks away* Charlie: right. I dont want to know.

11.20am: evade capture yet again. coast is deemed clear. Get put in Steamer.

11.22am: starting to feel lightly heady. overhear heartwrenching exchange of dialogue. Or is it a hallucination? My comrades, planning my demise, plotting against me, conspiring to eat me! Dares and Bets are swapped. Fear rises, these near death experiences aren't good for my health. Things are looking bleak when Cameron almost concurs to my downfall. Thankfully he remembers I went in the waste bin and on the floor, and rediscovers his loyalty.

11.28am: Things are back to the original plan. I pretend not to have overheard my near betrayal. get put in microwave.

11.29am: Overhear another exchange: "how long did you put it in for?" "pasta zoo". Everyone knows pasta zoo is the longest time. Looks like I'm in for a long haul.

11.31am: After much deliberation I am smuggled out of the kitchen with Joe. Going past the washroom is particularly frightening, knowing the figure standing in there could put an end to all the hard work with one word if I'm sighted. Thankfully I'm not.

11.32am: I make it safely to the fridge.

5.00pm: all of my partners in crime are gone. I miss them. The freezer is cold but I made friends with some croissants and I've got my eye on a sweet-looking piece of raisin bread across the shelf. Who knows how long I will be here?. I could be discovered any moment. Will I be here waiting when they return? Or will it be too late?

Yeah, I'm five. whatever. I hope the bun's still there. xLiv

you can't go in there..the..floors are out..for cleaning..this is a terrible lie..

There are times when I think the universe hates me. There are other times, like today, when I think that God/Allah/Yahweh/the force*/Buddha/yes I know Buddha isn't actually a diety/whoever is totally on my side.

See, I worked all today. And then after I was home for like, no hours, di rings me up. Except she was all:

"ooh I am going to be super sneaky about it and ring with the number on private! Muahahahaha that will trick her! She won't know it is McSlaveryDonald's and she will answer the phone call so happily in eager anticipation of picnics and rainbows and puppies and frolicking and then BAM I will jump out with my voice as she won't see me jumping and coerce her into working another arduos hell-filled day! Oh I am so so clever" -Di (I assume)

yeah so I answered the call. Usually when work calls it is fairly easy to deduct what they want. So I decide whether I want to work the time in question or not, before answering the phone. If the answer is yes, then I answer, if no, I don't. Because it would be a waste of a conversation. Had the call said it was work, I wouldnt have answered it because I really didn't want to work.

But no the call said 'private' so I answered it. And Di was all 'can you work 8-4 tomorrow? Now I am hopeless in these situations. Usually I am a very assertive person (understatement) but in these situations I never know what to say. So it can go a few ways.

a) shitfuckthinkofanexcuseSure!WHATTHEFUCK!?!?!?!
b) um. nah sorry. I can't. I've got to go to the...out..to study...for an exam *sheepish kind of noise*

so I went with option b.

me: um no sorry I can't work in the afternoon because I have to -
*phone reception cuts out*
*phone reception cuts back in*
di: yeah thats ok, cya

SWEET!! Seriously, I have no idea what I was going to say. Internally I was panicking and wouldve probably said 'yeah' or something. 'sorry i cant work because i have to yeah'. great excuse Olivia. So maybe thats not that great of an example of the intervention of a greater power. But I can pretend. And will continue to do so.

xLivi

*as if that whole my religion is 'Jedi' on the census's thing isn't freaking awesome. Over 70 000 people in Australia declared themselves as Jedi Knights. I find that so very hilarious.

If I was older and more American I would've voted for Obama

I had to get a bloodtest the other day. The idea absolutely petrifies me. I hate having my pulse taken. It's a veins thing. I hate the thought of my veins. And the thought of a needle stabbing into them and sucking blood out freaking scares me. Alot. And makes me want to cry or pass out or something.

So it all started when I went to the doctors because of that dizzy spell stuff and i've been pale and super tired and so on. Anyway so he was all I'm going to send you for a blood test. and I was all ahhhh no. please. and stuff. And he's all you can't live your life being scared Olivia, everytime theres a thunderstorm you won't go outside because you might get hit by lighting.

And you know what. now that I write that, it really does seem like a ridiculous thing to say? Why thunderstorms? Where was he pulling this shit from?

I tried to object that I wasn't going through life scared of everything. Just people sucking all the blood out of my fragile veins with their big jabby needles. Hell I love thunderstorms. Bring on the lightning.

I was actually crying when we got to the bloodtest place. After a fierce argument with Mum as to whether it really had to be done today. Not like loud balling crying. But you know when you're trying not to cry or atleast to look like you're not crying. But theres stupid silent tears there anyway. So I felt ridiculous.

And of course everyone just keeps insisting that it won't hurt. I don't care that it doesn't hurt. I know it doesn't hurt. Well it hurts a bit. But that's not what bothers me. Its's all the blood sucking that I mentioned up there^^^ And goddamn I swear I can feel it getting pulled out.

I'm going to stop now before I convince myself to throw up or something. the end.

Glory be christ is born

The hell on earth they call 'HSC' is nearly over. Already over for some, in fact.
thank god. Two more exams to go before freedom.

My dad's side of the family celebrates christmas on boxing day. We go to billabongs for an all you can eat boxing day lunch and then back to someones house, which works on a roster kind of thing. This year, it's at Jacinta and Karl's. I don't know if I have mentioned this particular aunt and uncle on here before, but in short, they are the fascistly religious ones.

Yeah so, they made their own church. Karl is blatantly arrogant, chauvinistic and disgustingly creepy. Jacinta, is just daft. I don't have an aversion to religion or to making ones own religion. It's just my opinion of them as people.

Conversations go something like this:

Karl: Come give your uncle Karl a big kiss
Me: *sticks out hand for shake like James and Luke get*
Karl: ha ha ha ha ha. look at that, girl. you want to do as your told. Jesus wants you to love everyone, because jesus loves you.
Me: yep
Karl: Why don't you come out to church? Jesus want's to see you there.
Me: I'm good.
Karl: you know what girl, it'd do you good to come out here. Learn how to pray. You gotta do what Jesus wants, and what God wants, not what you want. You can't be selfish.
etc etc etc

jerk.

I have a feeling I might have told this story already but I will tell it again in brief anyway...

Karl lives down the road from my other uncle, Henk, and they both live a little out of town.

Henk: *starts having stroke and can't feel half of his body* *rings Karl to come over*
Karl: *arrives* what's wrong?
Henk: I think I need to go to the hospital. I'll just go get my phone and you can drive me
Karl: well if your well enough to get your phone your well enough to drive, i have to go organise church. *leaves*

Yeah so, don't come preaching to me, jerkface. get your priorities sorted.

anyhoooo

so I drove with mum in the passenger seat cos im still on me L's like a LOSER down to Dad's to pick Anna up, anyway I went inside and Dad was all *hands me invitation with huge smirk on his face* and the invitation was all

GLORY BE CHRIST IS BORN

your invited to Boxing day!

and I was all AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. oh thats funny. oh yeah ok, im not done. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA.ok now im done.

and then I was all ...can I photocopy it? and Dad was all ...Why so you can rip them off? and I was all NO! so i know the details. for joe and stuff. and there was this silence. and I was all Yeah I lied, so I can rip them off. We both know I know the details, they're the same every year. And he was all *fake tuts*. and I was all oh yeah, as if you didnt show it to me to rip them off and he was all I thought you might want the details!

I didnt end up photocopying it though cos Anna had her stuff ready so we left.

Should be an interesting christmas. It's the first time that Joe's coming to a huge family event with me. He came to my Dad's birthday which was about one tenth of the family, as he made it his brother and sisters only and not all of them came down and was all 'wow you have a huge family'. So I guess it might be best that it's at Karl and Jacinta's as I am predicting a lowish turnout, being at the church and all. My huge family is a little intimidating.

that's all. I'm off to study for drama. x