I got out of bed at 7.30 this morning, which is a somewhat odd experience. I'm sure I posted here once before about my Oma getting sick. And the wheels being set in motion for her 14 sibling wide, 4 generation long family to all find out, come home, and organise what must be organised.
I woke with a phone call from Dad, oddly enough I didn't realise it was 7.30 and spent the first bit of the conversation trying to pretend he didn't wake me up (assuming I'd slept to some ridiculous time like midday for him to be ringing me). Oma's health had been slowly deteriorating over the past year, to the point where sometimes now she isn't aware of reality and sometimes she is. This morning however, she had gone into a complete state of non responsiveness, still breathing but not communicating. And her breathing wasn't right.
Like clockwork the familiar organisations all came pouring out in Dad's shaking voice. Could I ring Anna, he had to call Liz, Michael had spoken to Mary and they couldn't get onto Alex. Katy's down there and he'll get down there as soon as he hears back from Ed and Jus. I hung up the phone and picked up my mobile to call Anna, I had three missed calls from Gebe which made me realise it was serious. My cousin was ringing me at Seven in the morning. I was in the car and on my way home from Armidale within the time it took to finish the multitude of phone calls. I managed to forget my laptop, any clothes, and shoes. Somewhere in the back of my mind was the comforting thought that I wasn't alone. Liz and Neil were on their way from Parkes, Mary, Greg & Curly from Penrith, Agy from Canberra, Big John from Goulbourn, Eddy from Port Mac, and Justine from Sydney.
Mez called at 10 to make sure I knew. I responded to his "hey how are you?" with "I'm on my way home" to save having to go into it, the horrible feeling of having to tell someone is the worst. "Oh, good. Thank God. I just wanted to make sure you know" "yeah I do, I'll be there soon...you ok?" "yeah, I think. You?" "Same" "Annes in the air, there's no way we can tell her before she lands' 'shit I forgot she was coming". Add Anne from Holland to the list. Talking to my two closest cousins, in age and in friendship was what really set the feeling going. This was big. The severity of a situation in our family can be somewhat measured by how much we pull together for support. It was nothing short of the worst car trip of my life. It's weird how my families support and love can make me feel comforted and at home, but shit scared at the same time.
I text mum to let her know I was home safe as soon as I drove into town, and headed down to the school to pick Anna up, as we had planned, and go to see Oma. My phone rung as I turned into the street the school was on and it was Mum, somewhat strained, trying to tell me to call Dad before I went into school. I was all, "Mum, it's planned, it's fine, stay out." "I just.. i just call him first. I don't know if they are at school...." and then I snapped into mild hysteria. "Do you know something? Mum what do you know? what happened? MUM TELL ME NOW. TELL ME I-" and then I dropped the phone as I saw Dad's car parked at the school and Dad sitting in the drivers seat with the door slightly ajar. Waiting. It all fell into place. He was waiting for me. Waiting until I drove to where Anna had told him we'd planned so he could tell me in person. Not wanting to call me at 10.30 when it happened because I was on the road and still had 3 hours to drive alone. Anna not telling Mum, because Dad said not to just yet, so there would be no chance of me finding out until I was safely home. Mum realising something was wrong when she talked to Anna anyway and wanting to stop me wandering into school to find it void of my relatives.
My whole world didn't come crashing down right then. It partly crashed a few years earlier when it was decided Oma had to go into a nursing home. Months after that it crashed more, when she had a mini-stroke. Again when I realised that her mind wouldn't quite be the same. And every time she couldn't recognise me, or asked where Opa was, or spoke to me in dutch and waited for me to reply. The day she became bedridden. Last Sunday when I couldn't get a linear conversation to happen with her at all, except when I left and said I loved her in dutch and she took a long breath in, paused for a few minutes and managed to say she loved me too. Yesterday when Dad called to let me know she seemed worse. This morning when he called to say she was barely conscious. And it would again later today when I was on my own with Mum, and it all hit me again, and she said all the wrong things and I yelled and cried and kicked things and drove down to Dads uncontrollably crying. And tonight when I realised, this was the last time we'd all be called home. But at the moment that Dad walked over to me, pulled me into a hug and said 'she's gone', part of my world came crashing down.
We went into school and all my old teachers gave me that painful sympathy face. I saw Dommer, my sister and cousin Dom's delighful friend, also Dom's partner in crime and name-sharer. He told me 'all the crazydutchlastname kids are in the first seminar room' (Yes, I'm still afraid of this blog being found). Anna, Demi, Bronte, Mez, Dom and Jacob all hugged me. We joked about how we take up a whole seminar room and it's not even close to all of us and me and Bronte cried a little. And then my sister told me 'Liv, I cried. I balled my eyes out.' and proceeded to break my heart.
I told Dad I'd call her that morning. It seems odd to most people, but it made perfect sense to me. My Dad had so many people to ring, and so much to organise, and he wanted to get down to the nursing home. Anna was the one person I could actually take off his back. We are close, we get each other, and besides, we both know Anna never gets emotional about anything. Things just don't bother her. I mean, the everyday things do, like when her one-handed slut friend with a boyfriend that isn't really a friend hooks up with our friend that just became a teacher. Or when good television isn't on because of the tennis. But she doesn't cry about people. It's not that she doesnt care. It's just how she's always been. So I rung her as planned, she said she'd rather just wait till I get here to go see Oma and we organised for me to pick her up from school. I told her I was gonna go so i could get on the road and she said see you soon. "and Bell..are you ok?" "yeah. ..you know how I am." And she really was fine. "Dude one day you're going to get a gun and go shoot a whole bunch of people" "hahahaha probably" "just sayin...anyway I'll see you soon".
She went off to school, with it on her mind, but fine nonetheless. And then in religion they prayed, and it reminded her of Oma (if you'd met my grandparents, you'd understand). So she started telling her friend Mady about it and next minute there is a knock on the door and Mez appears, asking Mr Thomas if he can see Anna. She's like hmm, ok.. and starts to walk to the door when Mez realises Dom was in the same class. "Oh, and Dominic too" .....oh fuck. The three of them walked in silence. James, usually the one to be grinning about anything managed to say "There are people waiting down at the office" and that was it. Anna's head was spinning and she could feel the tears welling up in her eyes. She said it was the longest walk of her life, and it felt like the already seemingly endless path to the office went for even longer. Dom leaned into her and said in the most serious, most unlike Dom voice she'd ever heard "this isn't good, is it." "nope." And as they got closer to the office they made out familiar shapes at the office. Dad, John&Tanya, Michael&Colleen, Demi, Bronte, Jacob. And when Dad broke the news that she already knew in her heart to her, she fell into his arms and balled her eyes out. And she felt him start to cry too. And when she told me that, especially the last bit, on the way to get pizza tonight, my heart broke into a thousand pieces.
To my darling Oma, Ik houd van u, I love you, Rest in Peace. And I'm sorry my dutch spelling is so terrible, one day I'll learn it properly.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Saturday, March 20, 2010
You could wash a car in those boots!
I'm reviving my blog, in the form of top ten lists.
So...
Ten Reasons You Shouldn't Employ Me As Your Babysitter
1. I just ordered a "goon sunrise" as if it is a perfectly respectable drink.
2. I repeatedly and excessively told you throughout the night I'M REALLY GOOD WITH CHILDREN! REALLY GOOD! I LOVE THEM!.
3. I dirty danced a guy on the dfloor in front of you, followed by macking on with him for quite some time and not doing anything about the fact that he was noticably groping me.
4. Followed by me turning around, still being somewhat groped by said guy and proclaiming, "I swear I'm really good with children!!"
5. I couldn't quite remember my phone number. I got there eventually, but it did take three tries.
6. I'm wearing a beanie and glasses which are clearly not mine. Well the glasses at least are clearly not mine as I'm currently squinting over them to look at you.
7. I introduced myself as God.
8. I snuck an underager in here. Mostly by just talking alot and hence confusing the security guards into thinking they'd checked her ID. Twice.
9. You definitely saw me crawling under a table. But this was only to retrieve my jacket. I may have shouted a little trying to explain this.
10. I swapped shoes with a guy wearing cowboy boots and wore them around for the rest of the evening, after he proclaimed "you could wash a car in those boots!". I possibly repeated this proclamation. Several times.
So...
Ten Reasons You Shouldn't Employ Me As Your Babysitter
1. I just ordered a "goon sunrise" as if it is a perfectly respectable drink.
2. I repeatedly and excessively told you throughout the night I'M REALLY GOOD WITH CHILDREN! REALLY GOOD! I LOVE THEM!.
3. I dirty danced a guy on the dfloor in front of you, followed by macking on with him for quite some time and not doing anything about the fact that he was noticably groping me.
4. Followed by me turning around, still being somewhat groped by said guy and proclaiming, "I swear I'm really good with children!!"
5. I couldn't quite remember my phone number. I got there eventually, but it did take three tries.
6. I'm wearing a beanie and glasses which are clearly not mine. Well the glasses at least are clearly not mine as I'm currently squinting over them to look at you.
7. I introduced myself as God.
8. I snuck an underager in here. Mostly by just talking alot and hence confusing the security guards into thinking they'd checked her ID. Twice.
9. You definitely saw me crawling under a table. But this was only to retrieve my jacket. I may have shouted a little trying to explain this.
10. I swapped shoes with a guy wearing cowboy boots and wore them around for the rest of the evening, after he proclaimed "you could wash a car in those boots!". I possibly repeated this proclamation. Several times.
edit: I somehow forgot to add the point at which I asked "are you like the babysitters club? I love the babysitters club. Dawn was my favourite"
But, despite all of that, I maintain that I am actually a ridiculously great babysitter. Because I do babysit SOBER. And being a small child at heart I am in turn, awesome with small children. I'll keep you posted as to whether I get the job...
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Cheesus
So I pretty much never post anymore, college life is very all-encumbering.
But after polite reminders to hurry up and blog, this particular headline caught my eye and I just had to laugh (I saw the photograph(Beatles reference there if anyone picks it up))
Cheesus
Hope it gives someone else a laugh, and now off to do my due-in-about-24-hours law assignment
xx
But after polite reminders to hurry up and blog, this particular headline caught my eye and I just had to laugh (I saw the photograph(Beatles reference there if anyone picks it up))
Cheesus
Hope it gives someone else a laugh, and now off to do my due-in-about-24-hours law assignment
xx
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
The superiority of roll on deodorant
Dear Fuckers that go to Earle Page College.
It has come to my attention that Roll on deodorant pwns Spray deodorant.
Now before you all protest wildly, kicking and screaming that you NEED spray deodorant because it makes you smell not bad I have some shocking, shocking news:
ROLL ON DEODORANT PREVENTS BODY ODOUR
That is right! Believe it or not, contrary to seemingly popular belief, spray deodorant is not the only deodorant that works. I use roll on deodorant and I do not smell. I know this because I smell myself frequently. And make other people smell me. And pay ridiculously close attention to how people react to being close to me. Because I'm paranoid like that. You should try it. You do tend to convey insanity but on the plus side you learn new things.
Now when I say 'it has come to my attention' what I actually mean is, I have known for some time. Since, in fact the day when, early in O week, someone or other that I was yet to recognise stood up and said something along the following:
"Bla bla bla fire alarms in every room, bla bla bla fire trucks come, bla bla bla automatically go off, bla bla bla spraying deodorant will set them off, bla bla bla billion dollar fine"
See? I wasn't even paying full attention and I got the general gist.
Initially, I only cared because I didn't particularly fancy a billion dollar fine to my name. I need that money for tuition and the ridiculously overpriced textbooks and stuff. To you know, be a uni student, and live at the college with the fucktarded fire alarms and all. But then I realised that there is one thing worse then a billion dollar fine. And this is a fire alarm.
See, last night I decided, when I realised it was 3-something Am and I was still awake that I would skip my history lecture this morning in order to have a sleep in and have some time to do that damn history essay. And then, at like 8am, here I am in a nice comfortable warm slumber, when all of a sudden what do I hear but SIRENSIRENSIRENSIRENSIREN etc. And I'm all well fuck that shit! But evidently staying in bed ignoring it is not an option so I, almost automatically as they are so freaking common, haul arse out of bed, get dressed, wearily stumble out the road and sit in a huddle with the rest of my floor in the FREEZING COLD. For something that amounts to probably about 30 minutes. Whilst staring at the plainly not on fire building that I just left.
Of course soon enough the floor responsible is found out from the alarm monitor and a chant of 'MID B MID B MID B MID B MID B MID B' is executed. And what set the fire alarm off? Well, let's see..Oh that's right THE SAME FUCKING THING THAT SET IT OFF EVERYTIME.
Seriously, how did you fuckers get into Uni?
So, please, in future, find it in your heart to use roll on deodorants. I will buy them for you if you wish. I will even apply them to your underarms. Just don't make me go through ANOTHER one of those ridiculously recurring, entirely preventable, sleep-wasting fire evacuations.
Your loving collegian, Livi
Ps. FUCK.
It has come to my attention that Roll on deodorant pwns Spray deodorant.
Now before you all protest wildly, kicking and screaming that you NEED spray deodorant because it makes you smell not bad I have some shocking, shocking news:
ROLL ON DEODORANT PREVENTS BODY ODOUR
That is right! Believe it or not, contrary to seemingly popular belief, spray deodorant is not the only deodorant that works. I use roll on deodorant and I do not smell. I know this because I smell myself frequently. And make other people smell me. And pay ridiculously close attention to how people react to being close to me. Because I'm paranoid like that. You should try it. You do tend to convey insanity but on the plus side you learn new things.
Now when I say 'it has come to my attention' what I actually mean is, I have known for some time. Since, in fact the day when, early in O week, someone or other that I was yet to recognise stood up and said something along the following:
"Bla bla bla fire alarms in every room, bla bla bla fire trucks come, bla bla bla automatically go off, bla bla bla spraying deodorant will set them off, bla bla bla billion dollar fine"
See? I wasn't even paying full attention and I got the general gist.
Initially, I only cared because I didn't particularly fancy a billion dollar fine to my name. I need that money for tuition and the ridiculously overpriced textbooks and stuff. To you know, be a uni student, and live at the college with the fucktarded fire alarms and all. But then I realised that there is one thing worse then a billion dollar fine. And this is a fire alarm.
See, last night I decided, when I realised it was 3-something Am and I was still awake that I would skip my history lecture this morning in order to have a sleep in and have some time to do that damn history essay. And then, at like 8am, here I am in a nice comfortable warm slumber, when all of a sudden what do I hear but SIRENSIRENSIRENSIRENSIREN etc. And I'm all well fuck that shit! But evidently staying in bed ignoring it is not an option so I, almost automatically as they are so freaking common, haul arse out of bed, get dressed, wearily stumble out the road and sit in a huddle with the rest of my floor in the FREEZING COLD. For something that amounts to probably about 30 minutes. Whilst staring at the plainly not on fire building that I just left.
Of course soon enough the floor responsible is found out from the alarm monitor and a chant of 'MID B MID B MID B MID B MID B MID B' is executed. And what set the fire alarm off? Well, let's see..Oh that's right THE SAME FUCKING THING THAT SET IT OFF EVERYTIME.
Seriously, how did you fuckers get into Uni?
So, please, in future, find it in your heart to use roll on deodorants. I will buy them for you if you wish. I will even apply them to your underarms. Just don't make me go through ANOTHER one of those ridiculously recurring, entirely preventable, sleep-wasting fire evacuations.
Your loving collegian, Livi
Ps. FUCK.
Monday, April 6, 2009
shit weekend
So i had, all in all, a fairly shit weekend.
I think the worst of it was that it was all self-inflicted. (God I'm retarded)
I guess what it came down to was that I went a little insane.
I did something stupid and broke up with my boyfriend. Which may not have been stupid had it been the right decision, but it didnt take long to realise that it wasn't. I think the retardedest (most retard?) part of the whole depressing, embarrassing, shit, situation was that when I think about it now I can't really pinpoint why I felt like I wanted to at the time.
I think it was predominantly my reaction to feeling out of control because life has been so hectic lately. And I also overthink things, very much so, and it all just accumulated until I was in a situation which very much amounted to staying or leaving. Then I started hating myself more and felt like leaving was the ONLY option. Because, I am retarded like that.
Thankfully my boyfriend is amazing and instead of telling me where to go was ridiculously supportive and there for me and wasn't even mad at all.
Seriously how can you not be mad?!?
And thankfully we have the most amazing bunch of friends in the world who, essentially dropped everything to be there for us, all because of my stupid moment of stupidness. Seriously, when I can message someone with "can you please go to Joe's" with no explanation and they completely understand and drop everything to go and be there it just shows what friendship is. (I LOVE you Jack, really). And when within probably ten minutes of getting off the phone I have a message giving me a fuckload of support despite the person being a billion miles away and knowing i brought it on myself and when I dont actually have to tell any of the people that live on my floor that I'm upset, despite the fact I've only known them for about 2 months, yet they come into my room and talk to me and make me eat and tell me it's ok and when I can message someone at three am saying that I need a hug and they come down and give me one, and tell me that Im not stupid and that I can fix things in the morning. It just all makes me realise how lucky I actually am.
OH HOW SAPPY.
But really, it needed to be said.
More later, on a hopefully more positive note, Livi
I think the worst of it was that it was all self-inflicted. (God I'm retarded)
I guess what it came down to was that I went a little insane.
I did something stupid and broke up with my boyfriend. Which may not have been stupid had it been the right decision, but it didnt take long to realise that it wasn't. I think the retardedest (most retard?) part of the whole depressing, embarrassing, shit, situation was that when I think about it now I can't really pinpoint why I felt like I wanted to at the time.
I think it was predominantly my reaction to feeling out of control because life has been so hectic lately. And I also overthink things, very much so, and it all just accumulated until I was in a situation which very much amounted to staying or leaving. Then I started hating myself more and felt like leaving was the ONLY option. Because, I am retarded like that.
Thankfully my boyfriend is amazing and instead of telling me where to go was ridiculously supportive and there for me and wasn't even mad at all.
Seriously how can you not be mad?!?
And thankfully we have the most amazing bunch of friends in the world who, essentially dropped everything to be there for us, all because of my stupid moment of stupidness. Seriously, when I can message someone with "can you please go to Joe's" with no explanation and they completely understand and drop everything to go and be there it just shows what friendship is. (I LOVE you Jack, really). And when within probably ten minutes of getting off the phone I have a message giving me a fuckload of support despite the person being a billion miles away and knowing i brought it on myself and when I dont actually have to tell any of the people that live on my floor that I'm upset, despite the fact I've only known them for about 2 months, yet they come into my room and talk to me and make me eat and tell me it's ok and when I can message someone at three am saying that I need a hug and they come down and give me one, and tell me that Im not stupid and that I can fix things in the morning. It just all makes me realise how lucky I actually am.
OH HOW SAPPY.
But really, it needed to be said.
More later, on a hopefully more positive note, Livi
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Fred&George&Murder
Happy Birthday Fred and George Weasley!!
I got this from here and thought it was absolutely adorable. The Weasley twins were always up there in my favourite Harry Potter characters, they had some of the best lines in the books.
I got this from here and thought it was absolutely adorable. The Weasley twins were always up there in my favourite Harry Potter characters, they had some of the best lines in the books.
So this is relatively shortlived as I just got a phone call from Patrick who is coming over from his college to pick up the blue shitalcohol he left here the other night.
The conversation went like this:
Me: Hello
Pat: Olivia
Me: ..Pat?
Pat: I'm coming over to get my alcohol.
Me: mkay
Pat: What are you up to tonight?
Me: Work. I got two assignments due on friday
Pat: your not going out?
Me: nah i got assignments and a cold
Pat: ok im coming over and drinking with you
Me: Nooo I'm sick and have assignments!
Pat: ok I'll see you soon. drinks!
Me: But...FINE
Adios
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
I confess! ...umm..I unconfess...
There are quite often news stories that trigger in me a hearty or lengthy laugh, this being one of them..
Man arrested after "deathbed" confession"
Oh the irony of the thinking your dying, confessing dramatically at the last minute to the murder of your past, and then finding out that you aren't in fact dying at all.
Doctor: He's Dying!
Man: Well in that case, I CONFESS EVERYONE, it was I who killed him! MUAHAHA what are you going to do about it now, fools...
Doctor: uh, turns out he's not..
Man: ....shit. ...So...about that whole..hem..confession thing..
Police: *clink handcuffs*
In other news, I've been meaning to tell this story for awhile but was reminded of it when I walked passed a particular lecturer today.
If you all remember I enrolled myself in a philosophy unit It was one of those things where I figured it would be fun just as a throw away unit however don't ever do Philosophy at uni. Seriously our first lesson went like this:
Russian Professor guy: hi. the walls are blue. how do we know the walls are blue? because we know. are they blue? yes, the walls are blue. Levers are like our arms and things. We use many levers. And you see, the walls are blue. So when we talk about reasoning and levers we are talking about solving a problem. So these walls are blue. But is their life on Mars? We all have levers.
I'm not even exagerrating.
Initially, my reaction was like oh well it's a throw away unit, it's probably easy to get a good mark in, there isn't a textbook to buy, i'll do it anyway.
Uninitially. I decided fuck it and took up Italian which I will probably major in.
Now I keep getting emails from the Phil Lecturer cos I'm still on the mailing list and when I pass him in the corridor i SWEAR he glares at me. Some argue it's just his blank facial expression but whatever it is it scares me into KNOWING THAT HE IS PLOTTING HIS REVENGE ON ME AHHHHH
Man arrested after "deathbed" confession"
Oh the irony of the thinking your dying, confessing dramatically at the last minute to the murder of your past, and then finding out that you aren't in fact dying at all.
Doctor: He's Dying!
Man: Well in that case, I CONFESS EVERYONE, it was I who killed him! MUAHAHA what are you going to do about it now, fools...
Doctor: uh, turns out he's not..
Man: ....shit. ...So...about that whole..hem..confession thing..
Police: *clink handcuffs*
In other news, I've been meaning to tell this story for awhile but was reminded of it when I walked passed a particular lecturer today.
If you all remember I enrolled myself in a philosophy unit It was one of those things where I figured it would be fun just as a throw away unit however don't ever do Philosophy at uni. Seriously our first lesson went like this:
Russian Professor guy: hi. the walls are blue. how do we know the walls are blue? because we know. are they blue? yes, the walls are blue. Levers are like our arms and things. We use many levers. And you see, the walls are blue. So when we talk about reasoning and levers we are talking about solving a problem. So these walls are blue. But is their life on Mars? We all have levers.
I'm not even exagerrating.
Initially, my reaction was like oh well it's a throw away unit, it's probably easy to get a good mark in, there isn't a textbook to buy, i'll do it anyway.
Uninitially. I decided fuck it and took up Italian which I will probably major in.
Now I keep getting emails from the Phil Lecturer cos I'm still on the mailing list and when I pass him in the corridor i SWEAR he glares at me. Some argue it's just his blank facial expression but whatever it is it scares me into KNOWING THAT HE IS PLOTTING HIS REVENGE ON ME AHHHHH
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