The superiority of roll on deodorant

Dear Fuckers that go to Earle Page College.

It has come to my attention that Roll on deodorant pwns Spray deodorant.

Now before you all protest wildly, kicking and screaming that you NEED spray deodorant because it makes you smell not bad I have some shocking, shocking news:

ROLL ON DEODORANT PREVENTS BODY ODOUR

That is right! Believe it or not, contrary to seemingly popular belief, spray deodorant is not the only deodorant that works. I use roll on deodorant and I do not smell. I know this because I smell myself frequently. And make other people smell me. And pay ridiculously close attention to how people react to being close to me. Because I'm paranoid like that. You should try it. You do tend to convey insanity but on the plus side you learn new things.

Now when I say 'it has come to my attention' what I actually mean is, I have known for some time. Since, in fact the day when, early in O week, someone or other that I was yet to recognise stood up and said something along the following:

"Bla bla bla fire alarms in every room, bla bla bla fire trucks come, bla bla bla automatically go off, bla bla bla spraying deodorant will set them off, bla bla bla billion dollar fine"

See? I wasn't even paying full attention and I got the general gist.

Initially, I only cared because I didn't particularly fancy a billion dollar fine to my name. I need that money for tuition and the ridiculously overpriced textbooks and stuff. To you know, be a uni student, and live at the college with the fucktarded fire alarms and all. But then I realised that there is one thing worse then a billion dollar fine. And this is a fire alarm.

See, last night I decided, when I realised it was 3-something Am and I was still awake that I would skip my history lecture this morning in order to have a sleep in and have some time to do that damn history essay. And then, at like 8am, here I am in a nice comfortable warm slumber, when all of a sudden what do I hear but SIRENSIRENSIRENSIRENSIREN etc. And I'm all well fuck that shit! But evidently staying in bed ignoring it is not an option so I, almost automatically as they are so freaking common, haul arse out of bed, get dressed, wearily stumble out the road and sit in a huddle with the rest of my floor in the FREEZING COLD. For something that amounts to probably about 30 minutes. Whilst staring at the plainly not on fire building that I just left.

Of course soon enough the floor responsible is found out from the alarm monitor and a chant of 'MID B MID B MID B MID B MID B MID B' is executed. And what set the fire alarm off? Well, let's see..Oh that's right THE SAME FUCKING THING THAT SET IT OFF EVERYTIME.

Seriously, how did you fuckers get into Uni?

So, please, in future, find it in your heart to use roll on deodorants. I will buy them for you if you wish. I will even apply them to your underarms. Just don't make me go through ANOTHER one of those ridiculously recurring, entirely preventable, sleep-wasting fire evacuations.

Your loving collegian, Livi

Ps. FUCK.

shit weekend

So i had, all in all, a fairly shit weekend.

I think the worst of it was that it was all self-inflicted. (God I'm retarded)
I guess what it came down to was that I went a little insane.

I did something stupid and broke up with my boyfriend. Which may not have been stupid had it been the right decision, but it didnt take long to realise that it wasn't. I think the retardedest (most retard?) part of the whole depressing, embarrassing, shit, situation was that when I think about it now I can't really pinpoint why I felt like I wanted to at the time.

I think it was predominantly my reaction to feeling out of control because life has been so hectic lately. And I also overthink things, very much so, and it all just accumulated until I was in a situation which very much amounted to staying or leaving. Then I started hating myself more and felt like leaving was the ONLY option. Because, I am retarded like that.

Thankfully my boyfriend is amazing and instead of telling me where to go was ridiculously supportive and there for me and wasn't even mad at all.
Seriously how can you not be mad?!?

And thankfully we have the most amazing bunch of friends in the world who, essentially dropped everything to be there for us, all because of my stupid moment of stupidness. Seriously, when I can message someone with "can you please go to Joe's" with no explanation and they completely understand and drop everything to go and be there it just shows what friendship is. (I LOVE you Jack, really). And when within probably ten minutes of getting off the phone I have a message giving me a fuckload of support despite the person being a billion miles away and knowing i brought it on myself and when I dont actually have to tell any of the people that live on my floor that I'm upset, despite the fact I've only known them for about 2 months, yet they come into my room and talk to me and make me eat and tell me it's ok and when I can message someone at three am saying that I need a hug and they come down and give me one, and tell me that Im not stupid and that I can fix things in the morning. It just all makes me realise how lucky I actually am.

OH HOW SAPPY.

But really, it needed to be said.

More later, on a hopefully more positive note, Livi

Fred&George&Murder

Happy Birthday Fred and George Weasley!!






I got this from here and thought it was absolutely adorable. The Weasley twins were always up there in my favourite Harry Potter characters, they had some of the best lines in the books.

So this is relatively shortlived as I just got a phone call from Patrick who is coming over from his college to pick up the blue shitalcohol he left here the other night.

The conversation went like this:

Me: Hello

Pat: Olivia

Me: ..Pat?

Pat: I'm coming over to get my alcohol.

Me: mkay

Pat: What are you up to tonight?

Me: Work. I got two assignments due on friday

Pat: your not going out?

Me: nah i got assignments and a cold

Pat: ok im coming over and drinking with you

Me: Nooo I'm sick and have assignments!

Pat: ok I'll see you soon. drinks!

Me: But...FINE

Adios